


Midnight Resolve

by certe_cose



Series: Vermilion Tears [2]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dealing with PTSD, Eventual Smut, F/M, Leorio is a good friend, More slow burn, Multi, Yandere Tendencies, extra troupe members are gonna die, gonna be some gore scenes, hanzo is also a good friend, i'm a noob to angst but i try, kurapika is very unstable and needs counseling, lots of angst before that though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:33:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25340179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/certe_cose/pseuds/certe_cose
Summary: To get better, sometimes you have to go back to the start.  After being abandoned by the one person you needed in the world, you realize that you're going to have a lot more training to do if you're going to take on the Phantom Troupe and prove Kurapika wrong.  Making new friends and enemies along the way, you start to realize that your identity isn't just based off your scarlet eyes anymore, and you'll be damned if you're going to let others think that.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Kurapika (Hunter X Hunter)/Reader
Series: Vermilion Tears [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1833667
Comments: 29
Kudos: 176





	1. Ultramarine Ultimatum

Your mood was sour.

Having spent the last month chasing leads, you were already at a dead end, nearly stomping your foot in irritation. You _knew_ your old mentor was somewhere here in Zaban City, but she had apparently gotten a new phone number, since every time you called her it gave you an annoying dial tone.

After your less-than-friendly departure with Kurapika and leaving the Republic of Padokea, you had come to the conclusion that you first needed to grow stronger. You wanted to seek out your old mentor for her help - she trained you in nen and combat, after all, and you needed all the help you could get.

The problem was, finding her was like finding a needle in a haystack. In other words, it was ridiculously hard.

At your wit's end and with the sun slowly descending, you pulled out your phone again. As if the crowd around you could sense your irritation, everybody skirted around you as you punched in somebody else's phone number, grinding your teeth in agitation.

Immediately, the phone was picked up.

"Oh, [Y/n]! Nice to hear from you again, did you pass the Hunter Exam?"

"Yeah." Your voice was terse, and you wasted no time in speaking up. "Wing, I'm looking for Bisky. I need more training, and..." Your eyes stared straight forward, watching a family of three walk by wistfully, the little kid on what you could safely assume was the dad's shoulders, his other dad holding the first father's hand. "And... I found out about my past."

Seeing the happy family made your heart clench and you forced yourself to turn away. You couldn't lose it, not now.

Wing was quiet for a moment, and when he next spoke his voice was softer. Having trained together, he knew all about your ability and amnesia. "She got a new phone number," Wing said after a moment. "I'll text it to you. [Y/n], are you--?"

You were quick to cut him off. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just send me her number, I've been searching Zaban City for hours trying to find her."

He chuckled, and before he could hang up, you bid goodbye. "And Wing... It was nice to hear from you again. Make sure to tell your _son_ I said 'hi'."

"He's not my--!"

 _Click_.

Hanging up on your old friend and sparring partner, you were pleased to see he had immediately texted you the new phone number. You hastily dialed it right away, only to be sent straight to voicemail. Honestly, with how tight you were now gripping your phone, you were lucky the screen didn't break.

"That damned woman, I swear I'll--"

"You swear you'll what?"

Freezing at both the aura and the recognizable voice, you turned around, immediately laughing sheepishly as your mentor stood in front of you with her arms crossed, unamused.

"You swear you'll _what_ , [Y/n]?"

Danger alarms were going off in your head, and you laughed lightly, hoping that she wouldn't pummel you into the ground.

"I swear I'll give you the biggest hug in my life when I finally see you again?"

It was silent before Bisky chuckled, shaking her head. "It's nice to see you haven't changed too much. Come on."

Sitting in a cheery cafe as you munched on the sandwich you ordered, you filled Bisky in on everything that had happened since you had last seen her. Hisoka, the hunter exam, Kurapika, your past, your new goal. Nothing was left out, save for your conflicted feelings towards the other Kurta survivor. Bisky most likely picked up on it, but thankfully said nothing, leaning back in her chair as she sipped a strawberry smoothie.

"The Phantom Troupe is not a group to be trifled with," Bisky warned. "Although, the Kurta... It makes sense. I'm surprised I didn't connect the dots sooner." You weren't one to talk and so you just responded with a shrug.

"I have about five months left until I need to be in York New City. I know as I am right now, I'm not strong enough, so I came back for more training."

"I refuse."

You nearly choked on your sandwich, putting the food down. "Why _not_?"

Bisky's gaze was serious, her pink eyes boring into you. "It's not just physical strength you need. Your mental strength is in shambles."

"H-hey..."

"If you want me to train you, we need to go back to the place where this all started. You need to confront your past." You could feel your face pale, immediately losing your appetite at her words.

_Go back to the place where this all started._

_Confront your past._

"I wouldn't know how to get there," you protested weakly.

Your mentor shook her head and crossed her arms, her gaze unwavering. "Then figure it out. I'll go with you, but that's my ultimatum if you wish to continue your training."

With that said, you and Bisky bid farewell, agreeing to meet up later as you went to go find a hotel for the night. All the while, Bisky's words were repeating over and over again in your head. You had absolutely no idea how to get to the Kurta compound. You didn't even know if it was on the same continent!

Pulling out your phone, you stared at the single number underneath the 'K' section, debating. If anybody would know, it'd be Kurapika, but... You were extremely aggravated with him and, honestly, wanted nothing to do with him whatsoever right now. You'd be damned if you called him, let alone let him in on your plans.

No, you'd do this yourself.

Resolve coursing through your veins, you pulled out the cheap laptop you had made, getting into the Hunter database with ease. A couple of searches had proved successful. With the Kurta Massacre, things had become more public. The village was _rumored_ to be hidden in the Lukso Province, and you knew without a doubt those rumors were right, a feeling deep within your gut. It made sense - the small town you had been raised in was just outside of the Lukso Province. Not only were you going back to the beginning, but...

Well, meeting up with an old acquaintance was also in order, it seemed. You just hoped he hadn't forgotten about you in a month. Going to the bathroom to get ready for the night, you stared at yourself in the mirror for a moment.

To think it had already been a month since you last saw everybody... You smiled bitterly in the mirror. You hoped they were all doing well. After all, you were all on your own quests now, only to meet up in York New City in September. You hadn't really stayed in touch with any of them since your departure, and you looked at their contact information in your phone wistfully.

They were definitely doing alright.

The next day when you met back up with Bisky, you told her that you were going to go, and she gave you a confident smile.

"The Lukso Province?" Bisky reaffirmed as you nodded. "That's over in Jappon. That's the same country you were raised in."

You nodded once, thoughtful. "It's a bit farther away, but it makes sense that it'd be on the same continent that I was first found on. It's a small archipelago east of here."

Knowing that you had done your research, Bisky nodded, looking out the cafe window. "I'll get us the tickets," she said decidedly. "I don't trust you to go by yourself." Her voice was wry, and you shook your head ruefully.

"Don't worry, I'm not backing out of this."

Subconsciously, you clutched the pendant you always wore around your next, tracing the ruby jewel in the center. Finally, for the first time in months, you felt like you were getting somewhere, a step closer to uncovering your memories and a way to take down the Phantom Troupe. And honestly...?

You were terrified.

Having the tickets already purchased, Bisky texted you the information and where to meet up tomorrow to leave. You had just enough time to stock up on supplies and pack up in your hotel.

_Home... Here I come._


	2. Indigo Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting up with an old friend, you pay your childhood a visit - only to be met with broken memories and more questions than answers.

"Oh, [Y/n], it's great to see you again!"

Surprising you with a hug, you smiled tightly at Hanzo. After getting onto the aircraft to Jappon, you had called your former acquaintance to tell him you'd be in his area, knowing he may be able to help you with the Lukso Province. He had been surprised to hear from you of all people, but agreed fullheartedly.

"This is my mentor, Biscuit Krueger. Bisky, meet Hanzo - we both vied for the hunter exam and passed."

Hanzo looked at Bisky a bit skeptically, and you didn't blame him. She was shorter than you and looked a few years your junior, especially with the way her blond pigtails were styled and the frilly pink dress she was wearing. She looked more doll-like than human.

"So, you said you were actually raised in Jappon, right?" You nodded at Hanzo's question, vaguely explaining the situation.

"Yes, in a small town called Nikko. However, I'm looking for the Lukso Province."

Hanzo looked at you, contemplating. "That province is closed off from ordinary visitors. People rarely traverse to it."

". . ."

You met his gaze evenly. In just one month, the 18-year-old had clearly grown a lot. He had a stronger presence - and knew of nen, now, too.

Sighing, you realized you couldn't _not_ fill him in if you were to gather his help, Bisky staying silent the entire time. "I have no memories of my childhood," you told him. "And I believe that I came from the Lukso Province."

Hanzo's charcoal gaze examined you for a moment longer.

"Back at the hunter exam, your eyes had turned red. Is it safe to assume you are looking for the Kurta village?"

You nearly stumbled in your steps, faltering. You supposed the Kurta would be more well known in Jappon rather than any other country, and decided it was too late now to back out. Besides, Hanzo may act a fool sometimes, but he _was_ insanely intelligent and observant. Denying him would do you no good.

"Yes."

He sighed, shrugging. "I guess it can't be helped. I know where it is."

"You do?!"

Immediately you had perked up, and Hanzo nodded seriously. "Generally speaking, we try to keep people away from there, but it'd feel wrong denying you your heritage. If we leave the city now, we can make it to the village in about five days. Once we get to the Lukso Province, it'll be walking only. Can you both handle that?"

You were pretty sure that question was more meant for Bisky, and she seemed to know it too, judging by the look of irritation that crossed her face. Nonetheless, you both confirmed that you could leave right now, and without further ado, your strange party of three had hopped into a taxi, starting the long journey to your home village.

The journey was long, but thankfully uneventful. On the final day of trekking through the forest, sweat dripping down your brow, had the three of you come across a dilapidated wall, covered in ivy and moss. Sticking out was an iron gate, rusted and crumbling apart, and you stopped, knowing this was it.

"The Kurta village..."

You trailed off, walking up to the wall and running your hand across it, feeling the soft green beneath your fingers. Your breath hitched, and you refused to look back as you slowly entered the village, heart pounding erratically.

You weren't sure what you expected. The splatters of blood that haunted your nightmares. Corpses, mangled and eyeless, littering the streets. Instead, it was just... Empty. Houses lined the streets, nature slowly retaking the structures. Some did have blood splattered across the walls, but time had faded it. It was quiet, and not a single soul around, as if the town had merely been abandoned.

"A while after the massacre, the fellow ninja I trained under gave them all proper burials. There's a cemetery on the other side of the village."

Hanzo's voice spooked you, causing you to jolt as you finally looked back. You hadn't realized that your eyes had misted, or that they were a bright red. Immediately, Hanzo had looked away, pity clear on his features. Bisky's gaze was inscrutable, studying you as you quickly turned away. Once again, you were grasping the amulet around your neck.

Not saying anything, you slowly walked forward with trepidation, scouring the streets. It all seemed familiar, like a dream within a dream. Without a doubt, this was the place you grew up.

 _Running desperately through the woods, tears staining your face, all you could feel was an impending and terrifying doom settle over you, a fear of losing your life so intense you were afraid it was_ you _who was willing it into existence. It wasn't your imagination though. Whatever was happening,_ whoever _it was - they were strong. You didn't need to be a skilled fighter to know that it was only a matter of time before you were found and killed._

A picket fence to your left, you ran your fingers along the chipped wood, a stony glance on your face. 

_Bare feet padding along the cobbled road, you tried to ignore the screams of anguish and fury around you. You tried to ignore the metallic scent that hung heavily in the air. Worst of all, you tried to ignore the dead bodies on the ground, blood splattered everywhere, and black holes where eyes had once been._

"Up here..." Trying to shake the memories from your head, your slow tread turned into a brisker pace before going to a full fledged sprint. Finally, you stopped at a particularly sad looking house, the front door long gone and allowing you to peer inside. 

_Finally making it to your own home, you slammed open the already broken door, causing it to fall off the one measly hinge that it was still attached to._

You took a hesitant step inside, your stomach clenching violently. The table was overturned, splintered, and across the room was a shattered glass window, the wind having swept up the broken glass long ago. Or perhaps, strangely enough, it was cleaned when the bodies were removed.

 _It didn't do much for the already destroyed home, bodies strewn out across the house. Your sister and her friend. Your father. Even your grandmother. Nobody was spared from the massacre, everything painted a bright, sinister carnelian._ _Your mother was sitting up, back propped up against the wall and still alive. Barely. Even now you could tell she was on the brink of death, life fading out from her. She, like the rest of the room, was covered in a gooey red, and you were horrified to realize that most of it was probably her own. With her stomach torn open as if it had imploded, a pink trail of her organs hanging out, you cried even louder, not caring if you were found by your pursuant._

There weren't any bodies, but your eyes trailed to a wall off to the side, seeing a more faded and brown stain on the wall and wooden floor. You took a step, and then two, and didn't realize you had been crying until you tasted salt on your tongue. 

This was your childhood home.

Hearing movement behind you, you didn't acknowledge Bisky or Hanzo has you walked towards the narrow staircase. Part of it was caved in, but it wouldn't stop you from going upstairs into your childhood home. Jumping across the small gap, you darted down the hall before stopping outside of one room, the door shut tight.

Anxiety welled up within you, nearly overcoming you, but you opened the door anyways.

The room was nearly an exact replica from before the massacre. Thick layers of dust coated everything, but the room had been mostly untouched, save for some jewelry scattered across the floor. All of it was plastic, worthless, and you wondered vaguely if a Troupe member had attempted to steal it before realizing it was all children's toys.

Stepping in, you slowly scanned the room. A bookshelf filled with novels entailing adventures and mysteries in a language you couldn't remember. A desk, weathered from the years but still standing strong with a notebook closed neatly on it. A diary. The bed was unmade from that eventful morning, a grungy stuffed animal lying on top of the patterned sheets haphazardly. 

It was your bedroom.

Letting out a choked sob, you dropped to the floor, the memories coming back to you. Your friend Pairo, poor in sight, coming over to hear you read stories after his friend had left the compound. Your sister, often coming upstairs to play dress-up with you, or bug you while you wrote. The smell of chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs and into your room, reminding you to take a break from your never-ending studies.

Indeed, this was your childhood, the one that had been stolen from you.

Your head hurt. Whether it was from the stress, the crying, the remembering, or a painful amalgamation of all three, you weren't sure. You promptly ignored it, standing up on jelly-like legs and walking to the desk. Picking up the diary, you opened it just for a picture to flutter to the ground, and you picked it up, flipping it over. It was you, for sure. A rounded face, reminiscent of a little girl, with glittering [e/c] eyes and cropped [h/c] hair. You were in the middle, with a slightly taller teen next to you with features identical to yours, save for the freckles that spattered across her face. Your sister. On the other side was a shorter boy with brown eyes and matching hair - his eyes were dull, but his smile was the brightest of you three as he held up a peace sign. Pairo.

It was bittersweet, the feeling. There were still gaps in your memory, but most of it was now there, and you wiped at your eyes before safely putting the picture and diary into your satchel. Turning around, you were ready to leave if not for the glint on the ground that caught your eye.

Among the plastic jewelry scattered was something metallic, sticking out like a sore thumb. Further inspection showed that it was a coin, and curiosity won out as you picked it up, eyeing it suspiciously. On one side was a spider; the other, a web. Without a doubt, this did not belong here.

In fact, you would bet that it belonged to the same Troupe member that this necklace did.

Giving yourself a moment to fully calm down, you finally left the bedroom, giving it one last glance before closing the door and slowly descending the stairs, carefully jumping over the gap. You had pocketed the strange coin, and went outside of the house, where Bisky and Hanzo were waiting. Both seemed grim, not that you blamed them. The village reeked of death.

"There's one more stop I'd like to make before we leave," you said, more at peace than before. Sensing the change, Bisky smiled and crossed her arms.

"You go. We'll wait at the entrance."

Hanzo hesitated before nodding, and him and Bisky went off as you started to walk towards the other end of the village, grateful she had read the mood and let you go alone. The walk was short, and within minutes you had reached the other side. Gray tombstones peeked out of the overgrown grass, wildflowers giving the graveyard an eerily cheerful look. Picking some flowers on the edge, you carefully walked through the tall grass, eyes scanning the tombstones carefully. It seemed that the ninja had buried people by family - with bigger stones covering a group of people. After walking through a few, you finally stopped at one in particular, recognizing the names upon it.

" _The [L/n] family"_

Underneath it was a list of your family, and beneath the list was " _Missing: [Y/n], body never recovered_ ". The Kurta had gone to great lengths to keep notes on every single person in the compound, and while it most certainly wasn't for this reason, it had apparently helped Hanzo's own clan bury everybody respective to their family name.

Sitting in front of the grave, you placed a majority of the flowers down, sighing.

"Mom... Father... Big sister and grandma..." You didn't know where to start, and felt tears building up again. "There's so much I want to tell you. So much I wish I could say. But... I'm not ready, yet. Not now. I hope you all are doing well, and..." Wiping at your eyes, you sniffled. "I love you all so much . . . Goodbye."

Standing up, you turned around, seeking out one more set of tombstones, finally stopping when you found it.

 _Pairo_.

Placing the remaining flowers down, you smiled bitterly. ". . . May you rest in peace, old friend. One day, we'll be reunited."

With that out of the way, you made your way back to the entrance of the ghost town. Despite the obviousness of your tears, neither Hanzo nor Bisky commented on your appearance, both remaining tactful as you all started your journey back through the forest.

With one last goodbye to the Kurta village, you turned your back on it, vowing to one day return, and finally say what all was building up inside you.


	3. Periwinkle Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tearful reunion is in order.

You and Bisky had decided to stay in Jappon after your visit to the Kurta compound. In the end, she reasoned, it didn't matter _where_ you trained, as long as she was the one training you. Frankly, you had to agree. Biscuit Krueger was a force to be reckoned with, and a change in surroundings wasn't ever going to change that.

"You said you were raised in the village Nikko, right?" Hanzo had asked on your way out of the Lukso Province. You nodded once, and Bisky hummed, thoughtful.

"Is there a lot of rural land around it?"

Hanzo looked over at her, nodding in affirmation. "Yeah, it's a small village in the middle of nowhere."

Your mentor grinned, a sight that made you feel nervous. "Then we'll head there. That way you can see your adopted parents again, and we can stay there while you train." You had a feeling you were going to be in training hell for the next few months, but you trusted Bisky's mentorship. Easily angered and deceitful she may be, she was one of the best damn teachers you could ever hope for, and you truly were grateful that she was going to continue to train you. 

With that resolution, instead of heading back to the airport, Hanzo had led you all to the village. After leaving the Lukso Province and having access to cellular data again, you all had hailed a cab. The trip to Nikko wasn't long - you were ecstatic to sleep indoors again, and within a few hours of leaving the Lukso Province had you arrived at the village, the sun just barely starting to set.

Standing on the outskirts of the village, the familiar rural fields around you, you turned to Hanzo. It seemed like this was where you would part ways with him, and you surprised both him and yourself as you wrapped him in a quick hug. He was startled, but awkwardly hugged back, patting your back.

"I'm sure I'll see you again," he said as you pulled away, and you gently nodded. Hanzo's expression dimmed, his face becoming more serious. Contemplative. ". . . You're going to go after the Phantom Troupe, aren't you?"

Hesitating, you confirmed his thoughts.

Resting a hand on the back of his neck, Hanzo sighed. "I guess it's to be expected. I'd do the same if I lost my family," he admitted. "But be careful. If you ever need help, you have my number."

You were astounded by his offer, but ultimately grateful. You hadn't liked Hanzo at first, and didn't believe you would have ever been able to forgive him after what he did to Gon during the Hunter Exam, but... Well, you had definitely underestimated him.

Bisky announced that she was going to go on ahead, leaving you and Hanzo, and you furrowed your eyebrows. "Why, though? Why would you help?"

The Cloud Ninja laughed. "In the past two weeks we've spent traveling, you've grown on me."

You couldn't help the wry remark that left your lips. "Despite you being the one who talked for a majority of it?"

Hanzo didn't take any offense, his brown eyes twinkling in amusement. "Hey, you opened up a bit more about your childhood on the way back. Besides, you're a good listener."

You didn't refute that, instead shoving your hands into your pockets. ". . . York New City," you decided, meeting his gaze. He made a noise of confusion, and you continued. "September 1st. I received a tip that the Troupe will be there, so that's where I'll be."

"September 1st..." His lips quirked upwards. "I heard the auction there is pretty interesting. Maybe I'll see you there."

You met his smile with a grin of your own, and you started to turn, ready to go to the home you _did_ have memories of. "Maybe I'll see you there," you echoed, meeting his eyes once more before fully turning around and heading into the village.

Bisky, not sure of where to go, had waited a bit for you in boredom, although when she sensed you she looked up, a sly look in her pink eyes. "Are you done saying 'goodbye' to your boyfriend?"

"Aw, come on!"

The blonde laughed, falling in step with you. "You two get along well. I'm sure he wouldn't be opposed to dating you," she replied sagely, and you shot her a dour stare, clearly not amused with her teasing.

"You know as well as I do that I have no time to date. I need to focus on training."

Bisky's smile turned into a more serious and contemplative expression. "That _should_ be your number one priority, but it doesn't mean you can't date, [Y/n]."

Images of Kurapika flashed through your mind - your first encounter, him laughing, his eyes when he realized you were a Kurta. Those memories morphed into more painful ones. Him leaving, telling you that you couldn't come. Saying you would be useless. His cold expression, his back turned to you.

Gritting your teeth, you clenched your firsts, angry at him for making you feel - making you feel - well, whatever _this_ was.

"No," you disagreed, your voice hard and your face stony. "Until the Phantom Troupe is taken care of, I can't risk it. I _won't_ risk it."

You didn't miss Bisky's worried expression, but you ignored it all the same as you trudged onward, leading the way to the home you were raised in.

Your adopted parents, by no surprise, were ecstatic that you were back. They had always been loving and supportive, and while they fretted over you leaving to travel, they knew you had to figure your past out for you to continue onto life with peace. Immediately, your mother had started to rush around to prepare a grander dinner, pulling all the stops to make your favorite foods while Bisky and your father conversed.

"So you've taken our little girl under your wing, then?" Your dad asked Bisky, and you had the decency to flush, feeling embarrassed. Bisky just laughed, finding it endearing how much your parents seemed to care.

"Yes," she reassured him. "She's an excellent student, although could do without that attitude sometimes." Her voice was wry as your dad chuckled, a twinkle in his eyes.

"[Y/n]'s always been a little bit facetious at times," he chuckled. "Say, Biscuit, how old did you say you were?"

"That's a secret!"

You snorted. Bisky was at _least_ ten years older than your parents, not that you were going to out her to them. Instead, you decided to allow the two to continue talking as you wandered into the kitchen. Your mother was running around like a mad woman, making a sort of stew you remembered well from your childhood.

"Need any help?"

Your mother jumped, her hand fluttering to her chest as she turned to look at you and leaned against the counter. "Goodness gracious," she breathed, an amused smile forming on her face. "You were so quiet!" You returned her smile, and after a moment she shook her head. "Dinner's almost done, sweetheart. Why don't you just go set up the table?"

You nodded and started getting out all of the required utensils, setting up the dining room table quietly. You were deep in your own thoughts. You had been lucky enough to have still grown up with some semblance of a family. You had been adopted into a loving home and raised as if you were their own child. Did Kurapika have this? Or did he live the rest of his life alone? You both were Kurta, the only remaining survivors left (that you knew of), yet were so different. Was this why?

 _What does it matter?_ A snide voice asked in your head, one you recognized as your own. _He_ left _you. Stop thinking about him, he's not worth your time_.

You grit your teeth, putting the plates onto the table with just a bit too much force. Why did you keep thinking about him? He _left_ you and had the audacity to insinuate that you would just be a nuisance. He didn't deserve the time of day.

"[Y/n]?"

Hearing your name called, you looked over to see Bisky staring at you with a scrutinizing gaze, clearly trying to figure out what you were thinking. Your smile was tight, strained, and after a moment she sighed, clearly not going to push the topic right now.

Minutes after, the four of you were gathered around the table, food piled high. Vegetable curry, a beef stew, and heaping mounds of white rice and steaming pork buns. Your mouth was watering as you filled your plate up, nearly melting at the flavors. God, you missed this - you were a decent chef, but you doubted you'd ever get to your mother's level.

For a few moments it was silent save for the occasional scraping of a fork against a plate, until you finally spoke up. "So about the hunter exam..."

You proceeded to fill your parents in on everything that had happened since you left. Learning _nen_ , meeting Bisky and Hisoka (your father was clearly not a fan of the man as you described him. You shared his sentiment.), the trials you faced in the exam. They reacted appropriately, although you were certain at some points your mom looked ready to faint, such as your encounters with Hisoka and when you jumped off a cliff to grab an egg. You told them about the Zoldycks, your parents remembering your complaints about Milluki when you were younger, and ended angrily with your separation from Kurapika.

You spared no detail, save for your returning memories. You told them you remembered, but not what all you had remembered.

"A Kurta... It makes sense," your father mused grimly, and you felt a strange panic rise up.

"I may remember them now, but you two are still my parents!" Both adults seemed shocked at your blurted words before they both smiled softly. "You both took me in and raised me. I love you two a lot, and can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me."

Your mother started to sniffle, and she got up from the table to come envelop you in a hug. "Sweetie," she started, voice hoarse. "You don't need to thank us. As far as we're concerned - blood-relation or not - you're our dearest daughter and I couldn't be prouder of you."

You hadn't meant it, but soon you had started to sniffle too, before both you and your mom started to cry. Even your dad wasn't unaffected as he got up and pulled you both into a tight and comforting hug. The journey ahead was going to be rough, you knew. It wouldn't be easy, and your chances of dying were pretty high, but...

Just for now, you wanted to focus on the warm and safe embrace of your parents, blocking out the world's troubles if only for a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This kinda hit hard for me in the way that my mom and step-dad very recently divorced; my bio dad was out of my life for the first 6-7ish years of my life, so my step-dad was the one who raised me. Despite now knowing my bio father, my step-dad will always be my dad and I reassured him that I'll always love him and that as far as I'm concerned, he IS my dad. So yeah, writing this felt like revealing a hidden part of me haha.


	4. Teal Trepidation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even if you didn't recognize it, you had an encounter with the devil. One that may come back to haunt you in the near future.

"You need to go back to the basics."

The next morning, the sun still having yet to rise, you and Bisky stood out in the open fields outside the village. It was easily four or five in the morning, but neither of you showed signs of sleepiness. It was a schedule you two had been accustomed to.

"The basics?" You asked, pursing your lips. Before you could protest, Bisky cut you off harshly. She was in strict instructor mode, and you had learned long ago that debating her words would be futile. She didn't _have_ to teach you, and the tiny woman was the only one you trusted with your _nen_ training.

"You're strong," she appraised. "But strong enough to go against the Phantom Troupe? You wouldn't last a minute. You're going to need a lot more work, especially if we're going to finish this within a few months."

You weren't going to argue against her there. If you couldn't last against Hisoka, there's no way you'd be able to take on the rest of the Troupe. Her point was solid, and you gave a sharp nod, preparing yourself as the two of you began to spar so she could make a proper assessment of where you were currently at. You lasted about five minutes before she had laid you out onto the dirt.

Sometimes it was really easy to forget how strong she really was. You don't remember her going this hard on you last time she had trained you.

Clucking her tongue, Bisky stood over you, unamused. "Strength is important," she said, "but your strong points will be your speed and agility. It doesn't matter how strong a hit is if it can be missed."

You stared up at the sky, processing her words.

"Get up. You don't have time to rest."

Listening to her words, you pulled yourself up, following her instructions silently as she began to bark out orders once again.

No matter what it takes, you were going to get stronger.

The days went on with Bisky's harsh training regimen. She pulled out all of the stops for you. Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months - soon enough, it was the beginning of August, one month away from the York New Auction. Today had been particularly brutal. You had been in a sour mood thanks to a dream about your past, the sun was unforgiving, and Bisky was being more harsh than usual.

"Your anger is clouding your judgement," she pointed out as you knelt on the ground, heaving from the beat down you had just received. "Your moves are brasher and sloppy. If you're going to fight solely for vengeance, I shouldn't have started training you in the first place. Sometime down the road, you're going to get yourself or your friends killed for revenge."

You snapped.

"I _know_! You think I don't know what's going on? The Phantom Troupe took away my _family_. They don't deserve to live, and my _hatsu_ itself isn't strong enough to take them on. What else am I supposed to do if not bring my own family justice?!"

Bisky grew angrier. "You're a _child_. To live for revenge is to throw your whole life away! I'm trying to help you, brat!"

You stood up, throwing your arms up in the air in exasperation. "I'm done today. I don't need your lecturing when you have no clue about what I'm going through."

She could have stopped you. Bisky was far stronger than you and could have easily stopped you from leaving, but instead she stood where she was, yelling at you as you stormed off into the nearby forest, anger blinding you.

How dare she? She hadn't had her memories taken from her. She hadn't had her family massacred in front of her very eyes, hadn't had to watch her mother take her dying breaths.

Crying out in frustration, you punched a tree. Even without _nen_ your punch had done major damage as the tree weakly shuddered before falling backwards, coming to a stop against a thicker tree at a slant. As childish as that outburst had been, it _did_ make you feel a bit better, and you took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself. Since when had you gotten so easily angered? Finally, the red hue in your eyes had begun to fade.

"What did that tree ever do to you?"

You weren't sure what had startled you more - the voice, or the fact you didn't feel the presence behind you until the voice spoke up. Heart jumping, you whirled around, nearly striking out at the newcomer.

You didn't recognize him. He wore an open trench coat lined with fur, black hair slicked back to reveal a peculiar tattoo on his forehead. His eyes were down-turned slightly, and a deep gray. His lips were quirked upwards in amusement, and you flushed after you realized you had been checking him out.

"Sorry," you apologized, bowing slightly. "I was frustrated."

He chuckled. "I can see that."

The silence felt somewhat awkward, and you shot another embarrassed glance at the tilted tree. You really _had_ let your anger control you, something uncharacteristic for your usually calm demeanor. Perhaps Bisky had been right - you were getting too caught up in vengeance.

The strange man broke the silence, and you didn't need to look over to tell that his eyes were still on you. "You know, most people wouldn't be traversing these forests by themselves."

Tearing your gaze from the tree, you shot him a dry smile. "The same could be said for you."

"Touche."

"If you're looking for Nikko, it's about a twenty minute walk west," you supplied, in hopes to help. He didn't seem lost, but you figured it could help just in case. The man's lips quirked upwards, his gaze finally leaving your form to look in the aforementioned direction.

"Mm. I'm actually heading to the Lukso Province, and figured it wise to see what was going on when I heard you."

The Lukso Province... You stayed quiet, not acknowledging the place and instead flushing at the second part of his sentence. On reflex, you bowed again, muttering an apology under your breath. He laughed. It was bright and airy, yet underneath it all, it sounded... Artificial. Fake. It was a sound that seemed natural to him, but unnatural to everything else.

Straightening back up, you realized his smile and eyes felt the same as that laugh. Fake. He oozed charisma, and his smile made him seem friendly and easygoing, but something about this man was screaming _danger_ at you. Suddenly, you felt anxious to get back to Nikko. He seemed like the type of person to murder you and wear your skin like some stereotypical horror movie villain.

"I best get back home before my parents worry," you said, keeping your face neutral. As if the man could read your worries, his lips twitched upwards again.

"I suppose I must continue on as well. It was a pleasure, Miss..." Uneasily, you gave him your name. "[Y/n]," he repeated. "It was a pleasure, Miss [Y/n]."

He had started to walk away, and you called out to him. "And yours?"

"Hm?"

He knew full well what you were talking about as he looked back at you over your shoulder. "Your name."

". . . Chrollo."

With that, he continued on, deeper into the forest, and only after he left your vision did you dart back towards the village, heart racing fast at the encounter. He had _seemed_ nice, but you could tell it was just an act, a facade he had adopted. But _why_? Why bother being nice to a stranger in the woods? It didn't sit right with you, and you couldn't breathe easy until you had set foot back into your village.

You had been gone longer than you had thought. The sun was getting ready to set, and you wasted no time to get back to your home.

By some miracle, Bisky hadn't packed bags and left. She was sitting in the living room, drinking a cup of tea, and you immediately gave a deep bow upon seeing her and yelling out an apology that was just a bit too loud.

"You were right." Straightening yourself back up, you met her eyes imploringly. "Nothing that I do... Nothing will bring the Kurta back. I know that hunting down the Phantom Troupe won't fix that," you admitted, voice cracking slightly. As you often did when you grew upset, you clutched the stolen amulet around your neck. "However, I have to hunt them down. I can't... Not for me. Not for revenge. But to prevent this from happening to anybody else ever again.

"In the end, they are still terrible and need to be stopped. I don't want anybody to go through what Kurapika and I went through - I wouldn't wish that upon anybody, so for everybody else out there, I have to put a stop to them, even if it kills me!"

Your words were rushed, and you took a deep breath at the end of your impromptu speech. Bisky sighed, setting down the cup of tea on the coffee table in front of her. Out of the corner of your eyes, you could see your parents peeking into the living room from the kitchen, clearly not wanting to intrude.

"Even if it kills you, huh. . . ?"

She sighed again, leaning back into the couch and crossing one ankle over the other. "There is one thing you can do to enhance your _nen._ "

You nibbled on your lower lip. "What is it?"

"A restriction." You were unfamiliar with what she meant, and she continued, pink eyes boring into you. "An unbreakable vow with yourself. Set a limitation - the harsher and stricter the limitation, the more powerful your _nen_ and _hatsu_ can become."

An unbreakable vow...

Bisky shook her head. "I have to head out. I have my own agenda, after all." She seemed somewhat reluctant to leave, but you weren't going to beg her to stay, it'd be selfish. As it was, she had spent the past few months doing everything she could to make you stronger. You couldn't thank her enough.

"Do me a favor and don't be too reckless?"

You gave her a soft smile, morose. "I won't."

The woman clearly didn't believe you but offered up no other words as she stood up from her spot. Without saying anything else, you darted forward and enveloped her in a tight hug. "Thank you so much, Bisky."

The blonde returned the hug, already tearing up. How she could go from strict mentor to overly-doting mother in the span of seconds would always allude you, but you didn't complain.

"You're like a daughter to me, too. Don't hesitate to reach out if you ever need me."

Finally, your parents came out, thanking Bisky profusely for taking care of you, and you wiped at your own eyes, laughing lightly. Bisky had definitely grown on your parents during the time you two had stayed there, and you could tell your parents were bummed about her sudden departure, too.

"Oh, and Bisky, you _must_ share sometime about how you stay so young looking! I wish I had your complexion!"

Oh god. You couldn't believe your eyes that Bisky and your _mother_ were exchanging emails to stay in touch, gossiping like old hens. Seeing Bisky as a strict mentor, it was strange to see her get along so well with your mother, _jarring_ even, but you wouldn't have it any other way. She was like another member of the family, like that cool aunt you only see on holidays.

Breaking away, Bisky gave you one last glance, heading to the door with her small suitcase. "Well, I best be off, then. Bye bye!"

The departure was sudden, and you couldn't help but wonder if it was truly because she had to go, or because of your outburst earlier in the day. After she had left, your smile died down, a troubled expression on your face as your mom wrapped her arms around you in a hug.

One month left until the York New Auction...

You weren't sure if you'd be ready by then.


	5. Azure Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arriving in York New City, you're delighted to see a familiar face. Kurapika is on the verge of a breakdown.

Your parents, ever the affectionate people, had of course come with you to see you off as you readied to leave Jappon. Over the past month you had continued to follow Bisky's training, as well as working more on your _nen_ and _hatsu_ , and now, with less than a full week away, you were leaving to York New City.

"You've got everything?" Your mother fretted over you as you patted your satchel. "Make sure to keep in contact, alright? I know you have a dangerous journey ahead, but I also know there is no stopping you. Be careful, okay?"

Tears threatened to spill from her eyes and you gave her a tight hug. "I'll be fine, mom."

She pulled away, sniffling, and your dad patted her shoulder gently. "Remember," your mom said, "Fight to protect. Not to hurt."

You blinked, not having heard it worded that way before. _Fight to protect, not to hurt_. It reminded you of your last conversation with Bisky - that you weren't going to be after revenge, but to bring down the Troupe to save future lives. 

_Fight to protect, not to hurt_.

Somehow, these words made you feel lighter, and you gave a nod of affirmation. "I will. I'll come back before you know it, and hopefully next time, I'll have my friends with me. You'd absolutely love them." A fond smile was on your face, and your mother kissed the crown of your head before your dad also hugged you tightly. Laughing, you pulled away. "I have to go, haha! I'll send you a text when I land."

With that promise, the three of you exchanged last huge before you entered the boarding area, flashing your license and ticket confidently to get onto the aircraft. You had paid extra for first class - considering you didn't have much else to spend your newfound wealth on, you figured a little splurge before a stressful hunt wouldn't hurt.

Boarding the airship, you were led to a quiet section in the front, separated from everything else, eyebrows immediately shooting up at the familiar face that sat by the window, already drinking alcohol despite it being just before noon.

"Is this really becoming of a future med student?"

The man in question nearly choked on his drink, eyes meeting yours in an instant.

"[Y/n]?!"

"Fancy seeing you here, Leorio."

You took the seat beside him as he spoke, clearly ecstatic to see that you two were on the same flight. "It's been too long, you look so different I could hardly recognize you!"

You couldn't help but laugh at his exuberant energy. He was right - you had more muscle definition, and an air of confidence you didn't quite have before. Not to mention your hair had grown a tad longer from not being able to maintain it while training, and you had a whole different outfit as compared to what you wore during the exam.

You looked more mature.

"You look more peaceful."

You were startled, and stared at Leorio in shock. "Peaceful?"

He shrugged, grinning. "Is Kurapika with you? I didn't think I'd see you two apart!"

At that, your mood dampened a bit, and you averted your eyes. "We... Split up. He said that the path of vengeance wasn't for me, and then he just... left."

Your anger and sadness had faded overtime, only leaving resentment and bitterness. Leorio, on the other hand, was _very_ angry on your behalf, fuming instantly and almost jumping up from his seat.

"You're both from the Kurta, right?! And he just left you behind?!"

You appreciated the indignation on your behalf, and gave him a slightly strained smile in an attempt to calm him. "It's fine, Leorio. Really. I've come to terms with it, and it's not going to stop me from reaching my own goal."

Chilling out, Leorio's expression became more serious. "And you're also after the Phantom Troupe, I'm guessing?"

You nodded. "Although not for revenge," you reassured him. "I'm doing this for myself, to bring me closure, as well as to help save future lives. I don't want anybody else to go through what I did."

Leorio nodded in understanding, although his face was still more serious. "Still, it's going to be dangerous. Have you talked to Kurapika at all?" When you shook your head, Leorio couldn't help but groan. "He's been ignoring my texts and emails," he complained. "We all agreed to meet in York New, but how can we meet up if he doesn't ever answer!"

Somehow, you were pretty certain you knew why he wasn't picking up. If what he said to you was any indicator, Kurapika most likely considered this a path only he could go on, and was going to try and refuse getting the others to help. You certainly had your work cut out for you, and couldn't help but feel irritated that he was refusing help. At the same time, though... Well, it was understandable. You weren't sure you could ever forgive yourself if anybody got hurt one what was _your_ quest.

Maybe _you_ were the hypocrite here.

Dropping the subject, you instead turned the conversation towards Leorio. "So, how's studying been?"

Throughout the ride and in between naps, you and Leorio caught up on what had happened since the two of you had last parted. Leorio had, surprise surprise, gotten into medical school. He was ecstatic, and you were genuinely happy he had made it in. You filled him in on your journey to the past, the coin, and your rigorous training. He had talked about _nen_ , and you had to be the unfortunate soul to break it to him he had only learned the false tenants. He had been especially irritated about that, and you couldn't really offer too much in the way of that. The most you could do was explain your own _nen_ ability. 

You both had missed out on a lot. There was no empty space as you two jumped from topic to topic, and before you two knew it, you had both landed in the United States of Saherta, out in the desert outside of York New City.

Both of you exiting the airport, Leorio called a cab as you started going through the Hunter database on your phone, looking through flights.

"Seems like Gon and Killua are already here," you noted, and Leorio peered over.

"Wait, you can do that?!"

Locking the phone, you put it into your pocket. Even from a distance, York New looked gigantic. You had been to some decently big cities, but none came close to the glamour of York New City, and you sighed as you realized you were _definitely_ going to have your work cut out for you. Would the Phantom Troupe really be here? You weren't sure, but whether or not they were, something was telling you that the upcoming week was going to be hell.

"You okay?"

Looking up, you nodded once at Leorio, expression thoughtful. "Just thinking about the upcoming week," you admitted. "And honestly... If the Troupe is here, I think it might be best to leave Kurapika to it." Your voice was bitter from the previous events, and at first Leorio looked about to angrily argue before realization dawned on his face.

You actively avoided eye contact, keeping an eye out for the cab that would be taking the two of you to the city. "That's not what friends do," Leorio said after a moment, before sighing loudly. "What's with you to be so moody? You're just going to give up now that you've been pushed away?"

Leorio's voice was harsher than you would have expected from the man, and you finally locked eyes with him again, a glare on your own face. "You have no idea on what I've been through," you murmured lowly, eyes threatening to revert to their haunting scarlet gaze. "I _tried_ to help him - he doesn't want help. If we were really friends, he'd act like one himself."

A part of you knew this was childish behavior on your side, but you couldn't help it. What Kurapika had said so long ago still tore into your heart, his words sinking into your brain. You wouldn't hesitate to take down the Troupe either, but not for Kurapika, and not even for yourself. Your only goal was to stop others from getting hurt. Never did you want somebody to _ever_ live what you went through. It was this resolve that had been able to help you develop your _hatsu_ , after all.

There was no time to dwell on that, not right now. As a cab finally pulled up, you made it a point to ignore Leorio for the time being. The older man was definitely irritated as he so easily got, and he huffed and refused to look at you for the entire ride. That was fine by you.

The ride was long thanks to the tense silence, and you both tipped the cab driver well as you exited the cab on opposite sides. It was only when the cab driver had sped off that you finally spoke up again, voice soft.

"Leorio... I'm sorry about that." You were pissed and agitated, but Leorio was your friend, and if you pushed him away it'd make you just as bad as Kurapika. "I'm just... Honestly, I'm really hurt by everything. But I don't want to push you away." You met his eyes pleadingly, and Leorio sighed.

"Let's just go register our rooms so we can find Gon and Killua."

He gave you a gentle smile that had your shoulders relax, and you returned his smile with an equally as soft one, glad to have somewhat resolved the little spat.

Without any further conversation, the two of you walked into the ritzy hotel, with only one worry in your minds.

_What was next to come?_

* * *

Kurapika was more agitated than usual, and he had a pretty damn good feeling on why. With the start of York New's infamous auction less than a whole day away, and without any contact from Hisoka yet, the Kurta was left pacing in irritation in his hotel room. Various missed calls were displayed on Kurapika's phone screen, and yet he continued to decline them, deleting the voicemails without listening to them. They were all from Killua and Leorio - Gon was probably with Killua, and that left [Y/n]...

No. _No_. He shouldn't be hoping for _her_ of all people to call him. In fact, it was better that she seemed to have given up on helping him on his venture.

Or did she?

Kurapika wasn't an idiot by any means. [Y/n] would most likely come here and try to hunt down the Troupe herself. He wondered if maybe his attempts to ward her off and push her away would help in keeping her safe - time and time again, he wondered if the best way to have kept her safe was to allow her to come along so he could keep an eye on her 24/7, make sure she didn't leave his sight so she would have absolutely no chance in encountering the Phantom Troupe. It was alright if it was to just keep her safe, right?

It was too late though. His decision had been made long ago, and as long as she didn't run into any Troupe members, he'd stand by it. If there was a chance of endangering her, though, as the only other Kurta survivor he'd have to take the situation into his own hands to make sure she'd stay safe.

He would _not_ allow her to be put in any sort of danger. That was the one line he would never cross.

A gentle knock on the hotel door jarred Kurapika out of his thoughts. Only one person was capable of making such a soft noise out of their little entourage, and more likely than not she had also heard the furious rage and worry that clenched around his heart, squeezing the organ as if those emotions were going to consume them.

Assuming they hadn't already.

Struggling to keep his cool, Kurapika went to open the door. More likely than not, his eyes were burning a bright red, veiled by the gray contacts he was currently wearing. Sure enough, standing a foot shorter in front of him was his coworker, Melody. Her face was tense, her soft eyes worrying at Kurapika.

"Dalzollene wants to meet with us about the auction tomorrow," she said quietly, her voice like soothing rainwater. Kurapika slipped a cool facade onto his face, easily acting as if nothing was wrong.

"I'll be there in just a moment." Nodding once, Melody hesitated before scurrying off, allowing Kurapika a moment to himself before he slipped back into the role of a stoic bodyguard. The Kurtan survivor closed his eyes, fingers clenching tightly before loosening, the tension leaving his body.

He had to focus. If he let his rage consume him completely, he would never be able to take down the Phantom Troupe for good, and everything would have been for naught.

His mind was set - if [Y/n] insisted on putting herself in danger, he would just have to seek her out and personally make sure she doesn't get involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kurapika? Mentally stable? LOL.


	6. Steel Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW; slight gore, mental instability and PTSD.
> 
> A vivid nightmare plagues your sleep. You find an unusual source of comfort.

From the moment you were aware that this was just the usual nightmare that looped over and over again in your brain like a broken record, something inside the dream had changed. You had been running through the woods, the Kurta compound familiar around you. Unlike your usual nightmares, though, it was empty. No dead bodies. No wailing, no blood and organs scattered over the ground.

No, this wasn't a dream. It couldn't be.

The buildings were older, reminiscent of your most recent visit. Abandoned and crumbling, nature taking back its land as grass grew over the path, ivy crawled up the gates and threatened to consume every house it touched. It was a ghost town in every sense of the word.

But you weren't alone. No matter where you turned, despite seeing nobody, you felt eyes on you. Felt eyes through you. Everything was still, as if the world was stuck in time. The usual chitter-chatter of forest creatures was gone, the wind completely still. You could move, but everything else around you seemed to be at a permanent stop.

You slowed to a walk, gazing at yourself in the dusty and cracked reflection of a house window. You were... you. 18 years old, your baby fat gone. You were the you now, the you your family would never get to see.

Why were you here? Where was everybody?

"Bisky? Hanzo?"

Nobody answered you.

Thinning your lips, you felt your feet carry you to your old house as if they had a mind of their own. The door had magically be repaired, the only house that looked untouched from time, that looked just like it used to in your childhood.

In trepidation, you opened the door to be met with...

"[Y/n]!"

A person came at you, immediately enveloping you into a hug. You stumbled back in surprise and looked down at the mop of brown hair. You wanted to ask what was going on, but you didn't seem to have control of your tongue, either, as you spoke without your own permission.

"Hey, Pairo! Is my mom almost done with dinner?"

The smell of something warm and spicy hit your nostrils hard, stomach grumbling instantly. Pairo peeled away and grinned, his eyes somewhat dulled from his lack of working eye sight. From the kitchen, you heard a bright laugh, sounding like wind chimes in the spring. Your heart leapt as a warm face peeked around the corner. Her face was smooth, [e/c] eyes twinkling in joy. Her [h/c] hair had been messily pulled back into a bun, and the only signs of aging were the few silvery strands that highlighted her hair. Without hesitation, you bolted forwards, wrapping your arms around the woman.

"Mom!"

The woman caught you, chuckling gently as a hand came up to run fingers through your hair. You hadn't realized you had been weeping until she gently shushed you.

"It's okay, sweetie. I'm fine now. You're home."

Words that you longed to hear.

Dinner had been done quickly, a spicy chicken curry that you had been obsessed with when you were a child. Your father was out tending the crops late, and so at the dinner table sat you, your younger sister, your mother, your grandma, and - of course - Pairo. They were currently laughing as you told them about Gon and Killua and how the two seemed to exist on an entirely different, more carefree plain.

"You'd probably really get along with them, Pairo! Gon is such a sweetheart - and Killua is rough around the edges, but he means well!"

Pairo smiled wistfully. "I wish I could meet them."

You were adamant. "You can! I proved that I can stay safe outside of the compound. I'll bring you with me."

Your mother's smile died down a bit, and she exchanged a concerned look with your grandmother. Instantly, your grandmother in all her 98 years of glory nodded and stood up.

"Come on, little one. Let's go set up the loft for evening study time."

Your little sister and grandmother went upstairs, leaving just you, your mother, and Pairo at the dinner table. You furrowed your eyebrows at the change in atmosphere.

"Mom...?"

The older woman was hesitant, worry clearly written all over her face. "My little butterfly..." Something in her tone made your stomach drop, and you stood up from the chair slowly. In what had seemed like a warm atmosphere had suddenly turned into an oppressive one, and for a minute, you weren't sure you could breathe. You could. You _could_. You were just overreacting. Everything is fine.

Taking a step back, you watched as Pairo and your mother both stood up, exchanging glances. Despite his young age, Pairo looked older and wiser beyond his years, terribly so.

". . . You can't leave."

This was from your mother, and you frowned in confusion. "What . . . ?"

Tears sprung to those familiar [e/c] eyes, and you had to watch in horror as your mother started to cry. "My poor baby. My precious baby...."

You turned towards Pairo, hoping for answers, and the boy fixed you with a pitying look. "[Y/n]... Can't you tell?" His eyes flickered to your stomach for some odd reason, and you looked down, only to see red blossomed all around your torso. It didn't hurt - you didn't _feel_ anything. That was definitely your blood though, if the torn shirt and hole through your stomach was anything to go by.

"You can't leave . . . Because you're already _dead_."

At his words, the world seemed to peel away. The warm, nostalgic magic from before melted into monochrome colors, and before your eyes you could see your mother and Pairo change. Their eyes were hollowed, _gone_ , all color drained from their bodies. Despite having no eyes, you could feel their gazes burn into you, and you backed up, only for your body to bump into something.

Whirling around, you let out a sharp scream at the disfigured face before you. The man who had haunted your memories, the one who had been responsible for killing your family in particular. He was shorter than you would have thought, maybe not even five feet tall. The bandanna that you clearly remembered had been torn from his face.

Or what was left of his face.

Clearly, he had gotten the business end of your _hatsu_ \- flesh and muscle were melted on the left side of his face, eaten away and exposing his jaw bone with what little pink muscle was left. His eye was gone, just the socket, and half of his nose was flat, the cartilage of that and his left ear having been completely corroded away from your acidic like _nen_. The untouched eye stared out blankly, forever unseeing, and gobs of red hung in the hollow of his neck, the stained cervical vertebrae jutting out unevenly and crooked, as if his neck had been broken after his skin had already been dissolved. Hard globs of gray, white, and red clung to the remaining skin and hair, the effects of his brain having been partially melted before probably imploding on itself.

You gagged, bile rising up into your throat. You shoved the hanging dead body away from you, and the force of your shove caused the lower jaw to completely disconnect, falling to the ground. The acidic nen must have corroded it, and you watched in horror as the lower jaw bone crumbled upon contact with the ground.

A hand on your shoulder startled you out of your grotesque shock as you whirled around, lashing out at whoever approached you as your hand went right into their chest, your _nen_ activating on instinct. In horror, you saw it wasn't the eyeless corpses of Pairo or your mother, but Kurapika. He was untouched by the monochrome in the room, and his eyes widened in shock as he slowly looked down to see the fabric of his tabard start to sizzle away, melting with his skin.

"N-No--!"

You screamed and pulled away, but the damage was done. Instead of dropping down dead, though, as your acid spread through his chest, peeling away his skin layer by layer and exposing muscle and sinew, Kurapika stepped forwards.

"S-Stay away!"

You hadn't been aware of the tears streaming freely from your eyes until you tasted the salt on your lips, and you could only look on in horror as the acid finally stopped, exposing a giant, gory cavity in his chest. From behind, both the empty sockets of Pairo and your mom stared at you emotionlessly.

"It's alright." Kurapika's voice was soothing, and if you could just tear your eyes away from the horrendous sight, you might have been able to believe it. Looking down at your own hands, stained in the blood of others, you let out a rough and choked sob.

"I... I..."

Kurapika walked towards you, and you didn't have the energy to move away as he placed his hands over yours, cupping them together. "You killed him," he said simply. "You avenged your family. Isn't that what you wanted?"

"B-b-but..."

_No._

_You didn't want this._

_You don't want vengeance._

_You don't want to hurt anybody._

_I WON'T HURT ANYBODY._

"Just continue down this path, and you'll kill the entire Phantom Troupe."

_I DON'T WANT TO HURT ANYBODY STOP IT I WON'T KILL THEM I DON'T WANT TO HURT OTHER PEOPLE SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP--_

"Next is the leader... You'll kill him and everybody else."

"NO!"

Ripping your hands from his, your chest heaved up and down. Kurapika's eyes narrowed in rage, and it was then you knew that this wasn't real. It wasn't real it wasn't real itwasn'trealitwasn'trealitwasn'treal.

This wasn't your Kurapika.

"[Y/n], don't be childish," Kurapika scolded. "You don't want revenge? You don't want them to pay for what _they've_ done?!"

"No," you repeated, voice stronger and more confident. "I will _not_ go down the path of revenge, even if you're on it. I won't do it. I won't. I won't hurt needlessly. I want to _save_ others, not hurt others. _I won't do it._ "

Pairo and your mother joined in, the amalgamation of the three's voices blending in to form a ghastly melody of revenge and torment, all three goading you to kill the Troupe and everybody who got in your way. You backed up, careful to avoid the Troupe member's dead body, your heart beating against the cage of your ribs and threatening to escape.

_You'll never amount to nothing._

_We'll all suffer in the afterlife until the Phantom Troupe is dead._

_You'll never have peace._

_You'll never be able to get over it._

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!"

"[Y/n]? [Y/n]! Are you alright?!"

Sweat drenched your entire body as you jolted awake. Instead of on the bed, you were lying on the hotel floor, although it wasn't a mistake - your entire bed had been corroded, the frame barely even there.

Pounding on the door was Leorio - more likely that not, you had started screaming in your sleep, and you struggled to stand, your limbs weak as tears sprung forth into your eyes.

"I-I'm fine."

Your voice was barely audible and hoarse, but it did the trick as Leorio stopped. "Let me in."

Unable to respond, you struggled to breathe, trying to stand up. You felt weak and lightheaded, and had almost started towards the door until you looked at the melted mess around you.

_What if I hurt him, too...?_

You couldn't help it. Breaking down, you dropped into a crouch, loud and ugly sobs ripping from your throat. Leorio cursed on the other side, fiddling with the door knob in an attempt to open the door. You couldn't do it. You couldn't, you'd hurt him, you couldn't control your _nen_ , he'd get _hurt_ \--

The door clicked, the effort of Leorio picking the lock as it swung open. In an instant, Leorio ran over and started to check over you. You didn't have the energy to try and ward him off. Even with fear of hurting him, _losing_ him, you just couldn't do it. Instead, you threw yourself onto him, sobbing loudly into his nightshirt.

Lanky arms wrapped around you, and Leorio sighed. If he saw the melted bed, and no doubt he did, he said nothing. Instead, he held you and rocked you back and forth like a mother would her child.

"I - I'm a monster. What if I hurt you?"

Snot dripped from your nose as you cried, and Leorio scoffed at your words.

"A monster? Don't underestimate me, [Y/n]. You're not going to hurt me." His voice grew softer as he held you closer. "I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'm staying right here."

You weren't sure how long you had stayed in his arms, trying to calm down. Every now and then you hiccuped, and a fresh flow of tears would break forth - when that happened Leorio would hold you tighter, muttering words of comfort that went in one ear and out the other. Eventually, the exhaustion took over you. Need for sleep outweighed your fear of sleeping, and unable to prevent it from happening, you relaxed in the 20-year-old's arms, finding comfort.

Before you knew it, you were drifting back off into sleep, this time not plagued with nightmares.


	7. Arctic Selfishness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanting to keep your friends safe, you make what you believe is the best decision.

You awoke early the next morning in a bed that wasn't yours. Huffing, you slowly sat up, glancing over - you must have fallen asleep in Leorio's arms. He was currently sleeping on the couch, drool dripping out of his mouth. It was a pleasant surprise; you honestly wouldn't have been surprised if he slept in the bed with you, and your smile softened. You knew he was a good person.

 _He was a good person_.

As quickly as the smile had appeared it was gone as you thought back to your nightmare, to your _nen_ needlessly activating as if it was a children's superpower instead of a seasoned fighter. Why were you losing control so much lately? You thought you had been more at peace, had come to terms with everything...

But now it felt the exact opposite.

_I can't hurt him or the others... I can't risk it._

As quietly as you could, you got out of bed and was quick to get around, not wanting to risk Leorio waking up while you were still there. Once you were dressed and had your bag packed, you started to write a small note of apology, leaving your hunter's license by it.

_Leorio,_

_I'm sorry to leave, but being around me is too dangerous right now. Thank you for your compassion - you're a good person and a great friend. Use the credit on my hunter's licence to pay for the damaged room. This isn't goodbye, I'll see you again, but right now I can't risk you getting hurt. Seek Kurapika out and help him, at the very least._

_Best wishes._

Signing the bottom, you made sure it was clear to see on the desk before stealthily exiting the room. Perhaps it was a bit selfish to leave Leorio behind when he was just trying to help, but what happened if your _nen_ lashed out when close to a friend? You couldn't risk it. _Wouldn't_ risk it. You were not going to allow that nightmare to become a reality.

 _I'm not doing this for revenge. I'm doing this for justice and to keep everybody else safe_.

You hoped that if you repeated this enough, you would truly be able to believe it.

In the end, you wound up at a hotel across the city from where you had stayed the previous night, near the outskirts. It was a shady motel, with a sign flickering enough to count as a strobe light. Shady enough that they didn't ask a single question when you paid the week upfront with cash.

The room wasn't the best, certainly not the suite that you and Leorio had stayed in. The bedding on the queen that you had looked sketchy, you wouldn't touch it at all, and one of the light bulbs in the bathroom was dead, throwing eerie shadows everywhere. At the very least the television worked, although the model itself was about 20 years old.

Sighing, you dropped your bag on the chair and pulled your hair back to keep it from falling into your face as you pulled out the books in your bag. For a moment, you hovered over the diary you had found back in your childhood bedroom, but then decided not to. You hadn't read it once since you found it, and weren't sure you wanted to go down that memory lane yet. It would only weigh heavier on your heart.

Putting up the picture of your sister, you, and Pairo up on the wall, you resisted the urge to run a finger through your hair in irritation. The auction started tonight - if the Phantom Troupe were here, no doubt would they try to steal the merchandise. But how?

There were a few options. Considering this was the same group that annihilated and wiped out your clan, you doubted they would sneak in and sneak out. They were going to attempt to make a statement within the weak mafia community. Would the auction hall be filled with traps? Would the Troupe break in and kill everybody from behind? Pretend to be a member of the mafia to participate?

It was hard to figure out everything when you knew very little of the Phantom Troupe. Almost everything was based off _what ifs_ and your own logical assumptions. It didn't give you much to work with.

Pulling out a blank notebook, you started to jot down everything you _did_ know. There were 13 members, all of who would be proficient in _nen_. You knew what one member _looked_ like, but had no clue what his abilities were.

While notorious, the Phantom Troupe wasn't widely recognized. You'd have no clue who is in the Troupe unless you either see the owner of the necklace you wore, or a spider tattoo. And speaking of which...

You traced the amulet of your necklace subconsciously, before unclasping the piece of jewelry and lying it neatly down on the desk. It was barely even tarnished, the ruby jewel glinting in a breathtaking way. The design was unique though, the culture unknown to you, and you didn't want to risk being recognized from this.

Going to the auction was too risky. There were too many uncertainties, and if they were in a group, you didn't stand a chance. Your best bet would be to pick them off one by one, especially if your own plan was to work. You didn't want to kill them - didn't want to killed _anybody_ \- but had to make sure the atrocities would be put to and end.

Ideally, they would have a base. If you could find the base, then you could hang around and wait for somebody to leave by themselves. How would you go about finding a base in a city of this size? They weren't amateurs - there would be all sorts of precautions you'd have to take. If you wound up accidentally walking into it, it would be game over, and you couldn't risk that.

The only thing that was stopping you from throwing yourself onto the bed in exasperation was the fact that you didn't trust the sheets. Knowing you weren't going to get anywhere cooped up like this, you stole one last glance at your "notes" before deciding to head out. After a moment of hesitation, you decided to leave your cell phone here. It was blowing up too much with messages from Leorio and an unknown number that you assumed was Gon - you even had a couple of messages from Killua, surprisingly enough.

You felt bad for ghosting them, truly, but you weren't going to risk their lives. You refused.

 _In the end... I'm more like Kurapika than I'd like to admit,_ you thought bitterly.

Leaving the motel, you made sure to take note of your surroundings. "Shady" didn't begin to cover it. A lot of the shops were run down, if not closed altogether. Groups of men hung out on the street corners, smoking cigarettes, and you weren't impervious to the jeering gazes you received from them as you walked down. They were all too weak - if anybody tried anything, you could easily incapacitate them. Instead of acknowledging the creeps, you started to walk towards the outskirts of the town. There seemed to be a lot of abandoned buildings; part of you wondered if the Troupe was hiding out there, but the other part just wanted to be alone with just your thoughts.

You didn't know much about York New City, but there had to have been a story. All of the buildings were crumbling, ruin-like, and you almost started going towards them when something else caught your attention. An abandoned amusement park, although calling it an amusement park was a bit too generous. It had a few rides, was more like a small carnival that had been left behind. You drift towards it, entering past the gates without a single bother.

It was eerie. Even with the sun still out and shining, the abandoned park held a quality to it that made you feel colder than usual.

"What an unexpected guest~."

You quickly jumped to the side as three cards flew, embedding into a carousel horse that had been behind you. You turned around and glowered at the perpetrator.

"Huh, should have expected you of all people would be here," you snarked immediately. "The creepy carnival and the even creepier clown... What is this, your home?"

Hisoka stood in the flesh, and seemed amused at your little tirade. " _You've_ certainly changed. You've become more... _feisty_."

Your lips thinned in displeasure but you resisted the urge to grimace. Probably a product of Bisky - it wouldn't be surprising if you had picked up a bit on her attitude as well as her monstrous strength.

Not wanting to dignify that with a response, instead you asked, "And why are _you_ here, Hisoka? Don't you have better things to do?"

Hisoka started to take a step forward, and you immediately tensed, eyes burning. " _Don't_ come near me. I still haven't forgotten about your stunt during the exam."

Thankfully, Hisoka stopped, although his grin had widened. "I saw you on my way into the city and thought to visit. Aren't I so thoughtful~?"

"You're anything but."

The jester chuckled, although his grin was starting to die down a bit. "You should go back. You're not ready to go further into the city outskirts." A warning, but also... A hint. He _knew_ something, and he knew _you_. Most importantly, he knew what you would most likely be after...

You kept your face neutral, not wanting your expression to betray your thoughts. It was probably futile, if you considered the knowing glint in Hisoka's eyes.

Scoffing, you allowed yourself to relax, just a bit, so your shoulders didn't grow sore from being tensed. "You're not my dad," you said. And then, before you could even stop yourself, you found yourself asking, "Have you met with Kurapika?"

A slender eyebrow raised - a question he hadn't been expecting. After a moment of regarding you, Hisoka's lips turned upwards, as if he had an amusing thought. "Hmm... _Interesting_. You haven't seen him at all yet, have you?"

Silence. You didn't need to respond, Hisoka knew all too well the truth. After he realized you weren't actually going to respond, Hisoka gave you an annoyingly exasperated sigh. "Perhaps," he teased. "However, I must go. We'll see each other again."

You didn't even attempt to try and stop him as he seemingly vanished in thin air. How annoying - Hisoka always knew how to get on your nerves, and you found yourself in an even more sour mood than before. Casting a dour look towards the abandoned buildings and kicking up some dirt, you decided, for once, to heed Hisoka's advice. Instead of checking out the outskirts, you started to head back to the motel.

After all, when you _did_ go out there, you wanted to be prepared.

* * *

"And she just left a note?"

Gathered in what had been [Y/n]'s bedroom, the remains of the king size bed still crumbled, stood Killua, Gon, and Leorio. After Leorio had found the two kids and helped Gon get a new cell phone, the older man hadn't hesitated to fill the two in on both [Y/n]'s disappearance and Kurapika's refusal to pick up the phone.

All three had made a go at trying to contact the [h/c] girl to no avail - she never picked up or responded.

Sighing in irritation, Killua 'tsked'. "Are all Kurta this infuriatingly stubborn?" he grumbled as Gon read over the note left by their friend for the hundredth time.

"Leorio, did she do this to the bed?"

The 20-year-old nodded, his face grimmer than usual. "Yes. It was some nightmare - I wouldn't be surprised if she's suffering from PTSD along with Kurapika from what happened..."

"PTSD?"

"Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder," Leorio explained. "Having their entire clan slaughtered, and then [Y/n] only got her memories back recently, it's obvious that neither of them are handling it well. It's probably why she left."

Gon's face brightened up as he took Leorio's words in. "Wow, you really have been studying for doctor school!"

"Did you think I've been slacking off the past few months or something?!"

As Gon laughed sheepishly at Leorio's easily-angered attitude, Killua glanced back over at the bed, blue eyes sharp. In the note, she had made it seem like she couldn't control her own _nen_ , which was practically impossible, right? Especially if you considered that she's known it much longer than they have. Was that a result of that PTSD that Leorio had talked about? Or was something else happening?

Honestly, Killua wasn't sure he wanted to know. No doubt was Gon going to try and get himself involved, and that was the last thing Killua wanted - he just wanted to get Greed Island and go. He had heard enough from his father about the Phantom Troupe and wanted nothing to do with them, but Gon was stubborn, and dead set on helping his friends. These friends were clearly equally as stubborn, though - hopefully, Kurapika and [Y/n] would continue to refuse help so Gon would stay out of it all.

Oh, if only things could be that easy...

"Come on, Killua! We're going to go search for [Y/n] for a bit!"

Instead of pointing out that the city was too large to even think about doing that, Killua shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged. "Yeah, yeah. I doubt we'll find her."

Unsurprisingly, as it seemed to always be for Killua and Gon especially, Killua doubted _any_ of this was going to be easy. In fact, he had a particular hunch that this upcoming week was going to be brutal.

And, like with most hunches so strong, he was right.


	8. Stone Auction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You make your first move; on the way, you become a Certified Badass.

With the hours ticking away and the auction fast approaching, you were at a hard decision to make. Chances were, the Troupe would be at the auction tonight, but you doubted they all would be there. If Hisoka really was insinuating that the Phantom Troupe was residing on the outskirts of York New, how many of them would stay behind? Would it be divided half and half?

You were burning with curiosity that made you want to go check out the possibility of a hide-out, but you had to stop yourself. If they were really going to be at the auction tonight, people could die. This shouldn't be a hard choice for you - you had to try and save as many lives as possible, even at the risk of having the Troupe move bases.

Glancing at the time on your phone, you hummed. You had just less than two hours before the auction hall opened, giving you time to get dressed in more appropriate wear and head on over. Thankfully, you had come packed for the occasion. You weren't one for frilly stuff, not to mention a dress too tight would just limit your movement. Instead, you dressed in a fitted suit - red dress pants paired with an opened matching jacket, and a black dress shirt underneath it, completing the outfit with black heels. Honestly, you looked like a scarily cool business woman.

You smiled wryly as you appraised your appearance in the mirror. It felt like the hunter exam was just yesterday, yet you've changed so much...

It wasn't a bad change, though, you were certain of at least that much.

Deeming yourself presentable enough to go to a mafia-hosted auction, you left. You knew they wouldn't let you in with weapons, but that was only ones they couldn't see. You had replaced your retractable bo staff after the hunter exam, considering your previous one had been accidentally disintegrated by you. It was a more reinforced steel anyways, much more sturdy than your previous one. Not disguised as a thick ring, you decided it was disguised well enough to bring along with you. Yeah, a weapon didn't always help much in a battle of _nen_ , but you never knew when you'd need it.

Since you couldn't really drive, you had to hail a taxi. Funnily enough, that was the hardest part, mostly because no cab service wanted to come out to this part of the city. Eventually, though, you had managed to bribe a cab driver with enough money to come pick you up.

The drive was a bit longer than you had wanted, but it couldn't be helped. Eventually, you got to the auction house. The cab driver refused to drive too close, but you thanked him nonetheless and tipped him well, giving a terse smile before heading off.

Oddly enough, the street was dead. There were several cars, but nobody around. Feeling your heart tighten a bit, you picked up your pace, and only when you were close enough to the entrance did you hear screams and another loud noise, reminiscent to gunfire. You didn't hesitate. Immediately, you burst into action, bolting forward just as two people had managed to leave the auction house.

It was as if time moved in slow motion. The two people, an unassuming man and an elegant woman with pink hair, were in a panic, blood splattered on them. Immediately moving towards them was another woman with a strange looking... Was that a _vacuum_ cleaner?

It didn't matter as she immediately smashed the guy's head in with it. The woman with pink hair turned to flee, and the woman moved forward to kill her too.

You reacted impulsively.

Clicking the button that popped out your steel bo staff, you leapt in between the two women, just barely blocking the assailant's attack. You grunted upon impact - she was _strong_. Her fuchsia eyes widened lightly in shock, whether at your appearance or the fact you blocked her attack, you weren't sure.

"Hurry up and get out of here!" You grunted to the other woman. You couldn't see her face but heard her footsteps fade, just in time for the black-haired woman to jump back.

"That was a bit unexpected," she murmured. She didn't seem too worried as she spoke - if anything, she acted like it was a minor inconvenience. "There weren't supposed to be any survivors... Although I could probably catch up with her quick."

Despite her words, her tone of voice wasn't cocky. It was as if she was just speaking facts, and you could feel your temper rising. Maybe having Bisky as your mentor wasn't the best idea - her strength and intelligence may have rubbed off on you, but clearly so did her short temper. 

"I don't think so," you said with a controlled calm, spinning your bo staff around between your fingers and getting into a fighting stance. "To do that, you'll have to get through me."

The woman eyed you, seeming to think, before shrugging. "Okay."

Okay? _Okay?_ Damn, that kind of nonchalance actually kind of hurt.

The two of you leapt forward at the same time, and you watched as she brought her vacuum cleaner up again. Instead of trying to block, you ducked under, using _shu_ and shoving your bo staff into her stomach. Any normal person would have went flying, but she just skidded back a few feet as if it was no big deal. Not that it mattered - just the hit was enough, considering you had used your _nen_.

When using your ability through objects, it was nowhere near as strong as actually touching somebody, and your control was still shoddy at best. You could only watch in annoyance as the end of your staff melted a bit. Maybe it was a good thing that you had some replacements.

Just like your staff, the side of her torso started to melt away. It only got her shirt and a layer of her skin; infuriatingly enough, she didn't flinch even though that _had_ to have hurt. She just looked down in interest, blinking twice. You followed her gaze, immediately seeing the black tattoo on her abdomen and recognizing it.

"You..."

Your breath hitched, and she met your eyes, unconcerned. She seemed to be debating something, and you tensed, expecting her to attack. Instead, she ran into the auction house, and it took every nerve in your body to not chase her. Judging by the other noises in there, there were more Troupe members in there. Following her would be a trap, and you hesitated, your thoughts warring on whether or not to follow.

 _Damn it_.

Cursing yourself, you forced yourself away from the entrance, instead climbing up the front of the building and breaking a window on a higher level to get in. You used _zetsu_ , not needing to alert the Troupe members of your presence.

The inside of the auction hall was grand. You seemed to have broken into a balcony of sorts, where you could see the first floor a bit below. You didn't want to risk getting too close, not needing to get caught, and despite using _zetsu_ you still found yourself holding your breath in anticipation. The noise had been deafening when outside, but now it was eerily quiet save for some quiet words that you strained to hear.

It was too quiet - you couldn't hear them, but eventually you felt them leave, and you finally let go of the breath you were holding, feeling a bit lightheaded.

 _It really is the Phantom Troupe... I wonder... Is_ that _man still here?_

You were smart for not rushing in after the vacuum girl. There were at least three others, and even if they weren't Troupe members, going up against four skilled _nen_ users wouldn't have ended well for you. Your _hatsu_ relied on close combat, and wasn't the fastest in acting. Without knowing of any of their abilities, to have charged in here would have been suicide.

Hearing doors slam open, you peered over the balcony to see a bunch of dressed mafioso run into the auction hall, shouting, but that wasn't what surprised you.

The hall was entirely empty.

No chairs, no dead bodies, even the podium... It was all gone as if it had never been there. The only evidence that _something_ had happened here were the indents in the wall, reminiscent of craters almost.

Thankfully, the mafioso were much louder than the assailants, and you were quick to figure out your next plan. According to the loudmouths below, the auction treasure had disappeared, and the perpetrators now seemed to be in an air balloon heading towards the desert. That last part confused you -- that wasn't towards the abandoned part of the city. Had you been wrong in your assumption, or were they trying to throw the trail?

You couldn't be sure, but there was only one way to find out.

Deeming you had heard enough, you went back out the window stealthily, thanking the gods you hadn't worn a dress as you swung down towards the ground. Landing quietly, you managed to dodge the members of the mafia, making it to the street.

You needed a way to follow that air balloon, but had no way. You weren't about to get some random taxi driver involved, and you weren't confident in your skills to operate a car by yourself. After a moment, you spotted a possible mode of transportation and grimaced.

_If it's for the greater good and I have the intent to return it back here then it's okay, right?_

There weren't many other options. Weaving through people, you approached the motorbike, once again hesitating as you picked up the helmet and examined it for a moment. Oh well - since it probably belonged to the mafia, maybe it would make you feel a little less guilty.

Pulling your hair up so it wouldn't hang out of the helmet, you placed it on, sliding the visor up to look down uncertainly at the motorcycle. You had read a book about hotwiring once... Let's see if you could actually accomplish this.

Locating the ignition wires, already uncovered, you took a deep breath, taking the cap off the small socket and then locating the speaker wire. It felt like an excruciatingly slow process, and you cursed under your breath as you shocked yourself. When you were done, you couldn't help but scowl as the motorcycle lights refused to turn on.

"You've got to be kidding me... It always worked in the movies..."

In frustration, you zapped the wires with your _nen_ as a last resort, nearly falling over as the motorcycle revved to life. You steadied yourself and got ready to go, only for the motorcycle to start to fall to the side. You stumbled, muttering more swears as you quickly righted yourself.

"HEY!"

Hearing a shout that was most definitely directed towards you, you didn't hesitate to quickly shoot forward, flipping down the visor and yelling out strangled apologies to a group of people you almost ran over.

While you had a late start, the motorcycle had clearly been modified to go past its original speed, and soon you found yourself catching up with a series of black cars. Up in the night sky, the hot air balloon hung leisurely, and you frowned. There was no way all of the auction goods were on there, it was too small! And what of the bodies???

You pushed onward faster, trying your best to keep a healthy distance from the cars ahead of you. Last thing you needed right now was for the mafia to think you were with the Phantom Troupe.

Somewhere, something had shot at the hot air balloon - and had made impact. You watched as it soared downwards towards a crater, and the cars all went right towards it without a care in the world. You weren't about to make _that_ mistake. Circling back around, you looked for a spot where you could hang back safely, dirt flying up where you turned sharply and nearly throwing yourself off the bike in the process.

Nearby was a short wall of rock, abandoned, and you managed to park the bike there. You left the biking helmet on, and were pleased to see you could view the crater almost perfectly, although it would probably be even better with binoculars. Oh well, you couldn't have everything.

You felt the upcoming presences before you felt them as two cars pulled up behind you, and you tensed, whirling around. Immediately, people exited the cars. Tense, you were prepared to fight.

And then you froze.

They weren't Troupe members, definitely not. They must have been with the mafia like the rest of the Troupe's pursuers, but that wasn't what made you freeze.

No, it was the familiar face with blond hair that stared at you with hostility. You opened your mouth to call out his name, but it never left your lips.

Because the moment you two made eye contact, you were being attacked.


	9. Cyan Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting back up with Kurapika wasn't on your to-do list anytime soon, but here you are. Too bad you have bigger things to worry about at the moment.

You hadn't spent those months with Bisky doing nothing. Ducking backwards as a chain shot at you, another man rushed forwards. Immediately you had dropped to the ground and swept your leg out, making him jump back. Already were you lamenting over the fact that your bo staff was now out of use — it would be nice to have _some_ weapon handy. If you used your _hatsu_ , you risked hurting Kurapika and his apparent colleagues.

_It's nice how he'll work with random strangers but will push away his friends._

Beneath your helmet, you scanned them all. They were all hostile and wary, and you came to a stand, brushing sand off your suit.

The man who attacked you talked first. "State your name and who you're with right now!"

As if. Your voice would be a dead giveaway, and while you did entertain the thought of revealing yourself for both the shock value and to make things easier... You couldn't. While you had plenty of things to say to Kurapika, you couldn't be around him when your thoughts and emotions were both obviously unstable.

No matter how mad you were at him, you didn't want him to risk getting hurt because you lost control.

"I don't think he's with the thieves," a soft voice spoke up — a woman of short standing and a balding head. Her eyes seemed to pierce right through you.

The man you demanded your name scoffed. Were those tattoos underneath his eyes, or was that makeup? Either way, it was pretty tacky. "Even if he's not with the thieves, he's still an unknown variable and a danger as far as I'm concerned."

 _He, he, he._ You frowned. Sure, you were in a suit, and maybe you weren't the bustiest person ever, but come on now. You couldn't even use your heels as an excuse, especially since Hisoka's heels are far larger than you would ever wear.

You weren't a danger, not to them, but you weren't going to bother to convince them. Looking past the wall of rock, you could see that it wasn't just two or three thieves — it was a decent sized group, and still only one was decimating the mafia down in that pit. No matter what trump you had in your hand, it didn't matter. You weren't foolish enough to even think of taking any of them on. You had the information you needed, the confirmation that the entire Troupe was in the city. Even better was that at least half of them were here, and not at the supposed base on the city outskirts.

That's all you needed.

Raising your hands up in a motion of placation, you slowly walked backwards, still not saying anything.

Finally, you spoke. "I don't want a fight."

As it turned out, you didn't need to worry about your voice for two reasons — one, the helmet muffled your voice so much it sounded almost garbled. If Kurapika recognized you from that, you would have honestly been confused. The second reason was because the moment you spoke, a chain shot towards your head. You had barely managed to side step it as you hopped onto the motorcycle, nearly frying it as you put in another charge of _nen_. Vehicle starting to life, something aggressively hit the back of your helmet. As you hadn't strapped the helmet on fully, the impact of whatever hit your helmet sent it flying, [h/c] hair messily unraveling.

"[Y/n]?!"

You tried to ignore him, but your name leaving his lips was enough for you to glance back in just enough time to make eye contact before using everybody's shock to quickly drive off. They couldn't even call after you or chase you unless they wanted to give away their position to the Troupe, meaning you were able to escape without a hitch.

Not once did you look back as you made your way back to the city. Besides, you knew full well you'd be seeing Kurapika around, especially since you both had the same end goal.

After returning the motorbike to the place you stole it from, you had managed to nab a taxi back to your motel. You were quiet on the way back, contemplating. Even as you walked into your room, peeling off the suit and changing into some much-needed comfort clothes, your thoughts were focused inwards.

Why didn't you stay? You were pissed at Kurapika for pushing you away, and yet you did the same to him, basically.

_Serves him right, let's see how he likes getting a taste of his own medicine._

A soft sigh escaped your lips, and you stopped to look at yourself in the dusty hotel mirror. Your hair was sticking out every which way from the helmet, and heavy bags hung underneath dry, [e/c] eyes. Your skin also seemed to be drying out — great, just what you needed. Your lack of self-care was getting abysmal, too.

Okay, maybe a shower before you head out again.

Letting the hot steam cloud your mind for a bit, you took deep breaths, trying to calm yourself. You weren't one who was normally privy to rage, but the past few weeks had been especially stressful. Training without Bisky, adding your _nen_ restriction, and preparing for the auction had taken a toll on your mental health, and with that, your physical health, too. When was the last time you had a full night of sleep? Took time to read a book and relax? Ate an actual meal instead of takeaway or convenience store food?

. . . God, you were falling apart.

Staying in the shower until the water ran colder than ice, you did your best to just relax. It seemed to have worked — you managed to feel a lot better once you got out of the shower. The motel hairdryer looked like it would catch fire any moment, and so instead you toweled dried your hair to the best of your ability before pulling it back. Afterwards, you got back into your comfort clothes.

While worn out, you couldn't sleep, not yet. With a majority of the Troupe on the opposite side of the town in the desert, this might be your only chance to snoop around the outskirts of York New that Hisoka had tried to warn you away from. Right now, you weren't looking for a confrontation — in your state, that would do more harm than good. No, this time you were going to gather as much intel as you could. Just knowing if there even is a base would help a great deal.

Focusing on this helped in more ways than one. With your brain power completely on this, you didn't have to worry about Kurapika right now, or the fact that your phone was probably blowing up more than ever.

You hadn't checked it once since you got back.

Grabbing one of your spare bo-staves, fitting the collapsible steel staff in your pocket, you left the motel room.

Going out in sweatpants and a hoodie felt weird for you, but appearances were the last thing on your mind right now. You had to remain vigilant, prepared for the worst.

With this mindset, you walked on in determination, [e/c] eyes unwavering as you began to walk to the outskirts of York New once more.

* * *

To say that Kurapika was enraged would have been an understatement. No, perhaps 'enraged' wasn't the right feeling, not exactly. In his chest were an amalgamation of feelings that left his heart hurting. Anger. Confusion. Shock. Fear. The last one was especially unwelcome, but after seeing [Y/n]'s face, he couldn't help it. She shouldn't have been anywhere near here, he didn't _want_ her to be anywhere near here. It was too dangerous.

Although, perhaps, that was quite hypocritical considering the situation at hand.

 _I'll find her later,_ Kurapika promised himself, his hand tightening around his phone at the text he had received from none other than Hisoka. It wasn't who he wanted to contact — after sending a particularly angry text to [Y/n], he couldn't help but wait for a response.

Coming out of the interrogation room was Melody, his sweet colleague who looked distressed on his behalf. "If you want to go, I believe that would be fine," she reassured him. She may not have known the full scope of what was going on, but her words and intent were genuine.

As much as Kurapika wanted to find [Y/n], that couldn't be his focus right now. With Number 11 of the Phantom Troupe captured, and Hisoka telling Kurapika to meet him soon, it would have to sit on the back burner. [Y/n] was smart enough to stay on the downlow. Hopefully.

Looking over at Melody, Kurapika nodded once, a mumbled 'thanks' leaving his mouth. "If anything happens, call me."

No other words were said as Kurapika left, his heart thudding rapidly as he walked to the parking garage to grab a car, planning to go to the location that Hisoka had pinged him. A single Yoogle search showed that it was an abandoned amusement park — about a 15-20 minute drive from where he currently was. That was alright, though. The drive would give him some time to think.

Hisoka clearly wanted some type of exchange for information, although the blond wasn't too concerned about that. He had resigned to this life, was prepared to give up everything in order to avenge the Kurta and hunt down the Phantom Troupe until every spider was crushed and chained to hell.

Where did [Y/n] fit into this all, though?

Clearly, she hadn't listened to Kurapika's warning, he hadn't wanted to see her in York New City at all. Previously, he had been avoiding her, but now that he had seen her again, he _had_ to find her. It was clear she wasn't going to just stand back idly and heed Kurapika's warning. If she wasn't going to follow his advice, he would personally make sure she _couldn't_ , no matter what means it took. He didn't care if she got upset with him — if she was safe, that's all that counted, right?

He couldn't be the last Kurta. Not again. Never again.

Kurapika hadn't realized how tight his grip on the steering wheel had become, knuckles turning white, until he stopped at a red light, looking down at his hands and loosening the grip, taking a deep breath.

The thought of it all made him feel _guilty_ , but there was no option. Kurapika wasn't exactly sure what he felt towards [Y/n] — maybe it was affection, or a connection. Sympathy, guilt, and desperation were also mixed in, but even if he didn't know his exact feelings, his mind was set on what he had to do.

_I'm sorry, [Y/n], but to keep you safe, I'll do anything._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, sorry for the radio silence! i've been really struggling with my physical health and have been prepping for surgery since i had (MINOR) internal bleeding ! i'm doing a lot better and will be updating everything ♥


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